Your worth is not measured by your productivity 

I want to talk about self development in motherhood – the belief that during the time we have available as mothers, we should be doing more, accomplishing tasks on our to-do list, investing in change practices and learning more to better support the life we want to create and the children we want to bring up in this world (in other words, we need to be “productive” in order to be valuable). Self-development has become the buzzword in our society and culture today around  what we are trying to do to understand and better ourselves. 

I have personally spent a lot of time thinking about self-development and channeling the part of myself that is invested in bettering myself, changing aspects of myself that I sometimes see or feel as less desirable or “getting rid of” the parts of myself that aren’t “right”. I have mastered the art of being an over-achieving, super ambitious, independent woman. 

However, in motherhood I have discovered the truth about true self-development. And it does not require me to change who I am, or do more in order to know my value. 

In fact, true self-development occurs through the practice of self-acceptance. Recognising that within me I have always been the person I have always wanted to be – that is the truth of who I am. And the only job I have is to peel back the layers of fear, old patterns and habits –  all that “stuff” that I have piled on top of the beautiful person I am inside – to get to know myself better. 

It is not what I can accomplish, how productive I am, what changes I make to myself or what contributions I bring to the world that makes me valuable and worthy… It is what is within me that counts. 

It is my firm belief that motherhood has a way of awakening this awareness in us. There is no way that we can’t look at who we are when we are raising another human being. They are a direct mirror back to us. They offer the opportunity to really get to reckon with, and get to know the person that we are and want to be. 

This is not about self improvement, this is self acceptance. You don’t need to be fixed but rather remember who you truly are. 

There are many moments in motherhood that offer the opportunity for self-remembering. Perhaps there are times when you are not being the mama you want to be, where the mental load, adrenal fatigue, over-stimulation and overwhelm can leave us feeling “less than” in our presence as a mother. These are the moments where it is not about our self-improvement – the need to try harder and to change who we are or evolve into a better being. Instead, they are the precise moments where we need to recall the light inside of us that is never dimmed. The light of our true selves.

And this is why I believe that motherhood is our greatest teacher. We have to step courageously into each moment and  learn on the job – show up with our little ones despite the sleep-deprivation and constant demands on our time – and find our lights within. 

So, beautiful mama. As you read this, I want to invite you to reflect: 

How can you connect with the light that is inside of you during the moments where it can be hard to remember ourselves? 

For me, it is in my breathing. Consciously breathing into the light within me and imagining flaming its beauty and power. I don’t need to change or be someone different, I don’t need to do more or be more productive to be valuable and enough for my children and my life… 

You are who you are meant to be – come back to who you are and recognise your true value.