Tending: Mothering the Mother Course
When a child is born, so is a woman - an invitation of rebirth. Letting motherhood change us requires a willingness to surrender to what is shifting and evolving within us; getting curious with our own becoming through the lens of unlearning and recreating our relationship to self and others.
No wonder we can feel anxious, overwhelmed, exhausted, resentful, irritable, frazzled and lonely in motherhood. The ever pressing sense of “doomed if we do and doomed if we don’t”, “not-enoughness” and shame that many of us encounter on a daily basis is enough to leave anyone floundering.
Matrescence (the process of becoming a mother) can be likened to an emotional and psychological rollercoaster. Many of us are often unprepared for the sense of ‘losing ourselves’ and the discomfort and challenge we might experience in motherhood, when we see ourselves as failing and/or overwhelmed by our mothering and our relationship towards our children. There are so many opportunities for harsh self-judgment, and faced with layers of conflicting and contradictory social and cultural expectations (with few realistic options for meeting them) we can often feel conflicted and uncertain about the decisions we are required to make as mamas.
As mothers we are often both fiercely and tenderly compassionate towards our children, but not as often towards ourselves. Self-tending can be an antidote to the intense self-critiquing and cultural judgment we experience as mothers.
Can you relate?
“I get so overwhelmed and lose my patience all of the time.”
“I hate how much I’m yelling at my kids.”
“There has to be a different way to experience motherhood, but nothing I’ve tried helps.”
“This is not the kind of mom I imagined myself being.”
“I feel as though I don’t know how to connect with my kids.”
“I am finding myself easily triggered and overwhelmed with my children”
“They’re definitely going to need lots of therapy because of me!”
I know what it’s like to long to be the best mom you can be for your kids and yet still feel completely out of control of your own emotions and overwhelmed and anxious around whether or not you are doing the “right thing” for them.
Mothering is hard.
We find ourselves parenting through a rollercoaster of emotions and challenges - tested at every turn (through sleep deprivation, the rocky road of the teenage years etc.) and oftentimes feel that no matter how hard we try, we can’t always get it right.
And many of us often find ourselves trying to balance the desire to be perfect for our children - reaching for impossibly high standards with the belief that we should have all the answers and be able to protect our children from every hardship - with the realization that, like everyone else, we're only human and this pursuit of perfection is actually exhausting and unattainable.
Guilt is a frequent companion; an internal judge scrutinizing our every move and decision.
Do these kinds of thoughts and experiences sound familiar to you?
Drawing on my work as a therapist, alongside my own experiences as a mother, I understand what it is like to have these thoughts hijack your brain and strangle your confidence when you feel at your lowest and most vulnerable as a mama.
My mission is to help moms learn how to turn the volume down on these challenging thoughts so that they can find the joy in motherhood, grow in confidence, and become emotionally healthier.
Using a simple, evidence-based process that has helped moms just like you, you can get out of the constant fight or flight, break free of your limiting self-beliefs and self-critical inner narrative, and change your motherhood experience too.
We have a choice about how we respond to our emotional struggles. Will we choose to speak and to comfort ourselves with the kindness and care that we would use if we approached our children, a loved one or a friend in distress? Or will we choose to beat ourselves up for feeling deeply human emotions?
The more willing and able we are to acknowledge our struggle, recognize the shared experiences of this, and offer ourselves kindness and comfort, the more likely it is that we will move through that moment with more ease.
Because the journey of mothering is almost always new in some way and we are constantly having to meet challenges as a parent that we’re not yet skilled in or familiar with, the tendency toward self-criticism, low-confidence, and self-reproach is very high. But the more we are able to build and practice self-compassion skills as mothers, the better able we are to meet the challenges of motherhood with a more balanced perspective, and get weighed down less by our struggles along the way.
Self-compassion (or what I have called Self-Tending) is a practice that is particularly effective in moments where negative self-talk, self-criticism, guilt, shame and suffering live. Research, clinical practice and my own lived experiences demonstrate the practical ways we can call upon this skill, and re-wire our brain and body’s response to challenging experiences, so that we can thrive and flourish in our motherhood journeys.
What can you expect from Tending?
Tending offers you insight into your own emotional landscape as a mother. Fueled by your personal history and the collective social and cultural environment surrounding your experience of growing up, your nervous system was, and is, shaped to respond to your daily experiences in a certain way.
Through improved self-awareness, you can begin to learn how to tend to the parts of yourself that need acknowledging and responding to with warmth and non-judgement. Throughout the course you will learn how your childhood has impacted how you experience parenthood, and how your emotion systems are primed to respond in a certain way. We will then explore practices on how to treat yourself with kindness, care, and understanding so that you can respond to yourself in times of challenge, in the same way you would offer to your children, or important relationships within your life. Not only will you benefit from this self-nurturing relationship, but your children will learn through your exemplification and KNOW that they are worthy and deserving of warmth, kindness, understanding and compassion.
In both my personal journey and the work I do with mothers everyday, I have found that self-tending (compassion) is the basis of a more joyful and easeful experience as a mom.
Sign Me Up
Tending: mothering the mother is a 3 part series to deepen your practice and understanding of your own inner world, so that you can uncover the key to endless joy, freedom and creativity in your mothering journey.
Tricky Brains
Understanding how body and mind work, to create our experiences.
Inner World
Fostering a deep self-awareness, guided by wisdom and compassion, for where our personal histories and motherhood intersect.
Courage
Embodying our humanness, transforming guilt & shame and discerning new practices and ways of being that support the version of the mother we desire to be.
The Pillars of the Course include:
Each module is broken into short lessons that include video training and worksheets or resources that you can access to help you translate the learnings, and practice, into your own world.
Do you ever find yourself:
Unable to calm your own "Emotional Storms"
Raising your voice or impatience with your child(ren) / spouse or others and then berating yourself for your behavior
Feeling lost and confused/easily triggered by experiences in motherhood
A sinking feeling as though you are not able to “measure up” to expectations
Attracted to the idea of "Self Compassion" and understanding your emotional self more, so that you can take care of yourself & your family with ease and grace
A loud inner critic and self-reproach
Exhausted and overwhelmed with motherhood
Giving everything to your children and others and feeling like you’re never “doing enough”
Knowing that you should take some time for yourself but not making yourself a priority
Through this course you will:
Feel more empowered in understanding your emotions and “triggers” so that you can tend effectively to them
Learn how to lean into repair (where necessary) to support authentic connection in your relationships by prioritizing your relationship with yourself
Feel more connected to yourself with greater self-awareness
Have a more compassionate relationship with yourself
Feel more confident in responding to, and managing, your emotions
Learn to embrace motherhood, find more joy in the everyday and have the tools in your pocket to hold compassion in those tougher moments and get through it with confidence.
Relinquish feelings of guilt, shame and “never-enough-ness”
Step into your most empowered, authentic, confident and calm self
This is not surface level work. We are going to be diving deep into your inner world, and emotion systems and really do the healing work that inspires long lasting change.
When you join Tending you will receive:
Content created by a specialized perinatal and mental health Therapist (BSc Occ. Therapy), MamaRising Facilitator and Motherhood Studies Practitioner (currently enrolled), to support you in overcoming deep-rooted issues, breaking free from limiting beliefs, and creating lasting change in your life
An intimate Facebook community of women, on the same journey to emotional health and freedom in motherhood
3 modules, broken into 12 lessons exploring core themes that impact our experience of our emotions in motherhood
Bitesize content in digestible formats that are easy to consume on the go
Workbooks for each module for your own reflective practice
Opportunities to connect with Kendra for more intensive support
